The Trap of Obsession

Sexual energy is raw, primal, and potentially addictive. When it's tied to unmet emotional needs—like the longing to be loved, wanted, or worthy—it becomes entangled with identity. Instead of being a natural expression, it becomes an obsession, a mental loop that distracts us from peace.

Singer teaches that this is the danger of clinging. When we reach outside ourselves for fulfillment—whether through sex, praise, or control—we become spiritually dependent. The energy of desire rises, and instead of letting it pass through like a wave, we grab it. We pursue people, images, or fantasies to soothe inner restlessness. But it never lasts.

To keep sex from becoming an obsession, we must observe the energy rather than obey it.  This doesn’t mean suppressing it—it means not identifying with it. If desire arises, just watch. Stay behind it. Be curious. Let it flow. The energy will complete its cycle and leave you in peace.

Sex, Gender, and the Self

From a psychological view, gender identity (male, female, or non-binary) arises through a mix of biology, early development, and social conditioning. But Singer’s work encourages us to ask a deeper question: Are you your gender? Are you your body at all?

He says you are not the body, nor the mind. You are the awareness experiencing both. This applies whether you identify as male, female, or anything else. You can honor your gendered experience without confusing it for your true self.

Moreover, Michael A. Singer's spiritual philosophy, as presented in works like The Untethered Soul, emphasizes transcending the ego and observing our thoughts and emotions without attachment. This perspective encourages individuals to identify with their inner awareness rather than external labels or roles.

In contrast, aspects of gay culture often involve the use of specific labels related to sexual roles and identities, such as "top," "bottom," "versatile," and others. These labels can serve as tools for self-understanding, community building, and navigating social interactions. However, some critiques within the community suggest that rigid adherence to these labels may reinforce stereotypes and limit personal expression.(Wikipedia)

Singer's approach would suggest that while labels can be useful for communication and social connection, they should not define one's sense of self. By observing our identification with these labels, we can recognize when they serve us and when they may hinder our growth or authenticity

Thus from this view, sex isn’t just about male or female roles. It’s about the dance of energy, attraction, connection—and ultimately, consciousness. It seems that labeling of one self should not be emphasized.  If one preferred their partner not to smoke, then some would give you a non-smoker preference label of some kind.

 Aside from the labels, gay sex, straight sex, or any consensual act of love is neither spiritually wrong nor inferior. What matters is the awareness with which it is done. Are you clinging to get something? Or are you expressing connection freely, without grasping?

Religion and Sex

Religion and sexuality have been deeply intertwined throughout human history, with various faith traditions offering diverse perspectives on the role and purpose of sexual activity.

Abrahamic Religions:

Christianity often teaches that sex is a sacred act intended for procreation and unity within the bounds of heterosexual marriage. While traditional doctrines have emphasized chastity and viewed non-marital sex as sinful, there has been a growing discourse on inclusivity and the reevaluation of these teachings in contemporary contexts.(Wikipedia)

Islam regards sexual desire as a natural aspect of human life, to be fulfilled responsibly within marriage. Sexual relations outside of marriage are generally prohibited, and modesty is highly valued.(Wikipedia)

Judaism views sex within marriage as a positive commandment, emphasizing both procreation and the deepening of the marital bond. There is a strong focus on mutual respect and consent between partners.

Dharmic Religions:

Hinduism recognizes sexual pleasure (kama) as one of the four legitimate goals of life, alongside duty (dharma), prosperity (artha), and liberation (moksha). Texts like the Kama Sutra explore sexuality as an art form, though traditionally within the context of marriage.(Wikipedia)

Buddhism encourages the moderation of desires, including sexual ones. Lay followers are advised to avoid sexual misconduct, while monastics take vows of celibacy to aid in spiritual development.(Wikipedia, Wikipedia)

Sikhism advocates for sexual relations to occur within marriage, viewing it as a sacred union. Excessive lust is seen as a hindrance to spiritual growth.(Wikipedia)

Across these traditions, common themes emerge: the sanctity of sex within committed relationships, the importance of consent and mutual respect, and the potential of sexual activity to either support or distract from spiritual objectives. While interpretations and teachings vary, the intersection of religion and sexuality continues to be a dynamic and evolving discourse within faith communities worldwide.